When I Grow Up...

When I was in pre-school, I was always so puzzled as to why people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I thought about all of the typical answers: Teacher, doctor, veternarian, engineer, etc. none of these seemed interesting to me in the slightest. I didn't understand the concept of college, and all the work you would have to put in to pursue a career... I mean, I was 4 years old. I stuck with the title "teacher". I wanted to be a teacher and that is what I told anyone who asked me. Occasionally I would mix things up a bit and say "doctor", but really I knew what I wanted to be. I knew from the time I was four years old, I was just embarrassed to say it because it wasn't a typical answer that kids I knew gave. I wanted to be a mom. I was a kid myself, of course it was crazy to say that. I had no idea what being a mother would be like, but I knew that my mom made it look so easy, and I just was drawn to babies for some strange reason.
Fun fact, I played with baby dolls until I was thirteen.
When I got to be twelve years old, I decided that an awesome way to practice my future career was to babysit! I decided that for a 10-hour project for my Personal Progress in the Good Works section, I would offer to babysit for people while they did Christmas shopping, and I would do it for free. This got me so many jobs, and I was IN HEAVEN. One day, I had three babysitting jobs in one day and I could not have been happier! Eventually I was at that age (14-16) that I would babysit almost every weekend for a neighbor. A typical teenage girl would say, "Man, I'm always babysitting, I never get to do anything on weekends." But I was strange and instead I thought, "YES! Who needs friends, I get to play with little kids!" I would babysit my cousins, neighbors, and I would even babysit for my friend's neighbors.
I got focused with graduating high school, my best friends and my boyfriend, and my job at a craft store, that those jobs started dying down. Eventually, I quit my job at the craft store because, frankly, I hated it, and it was too far away from the house we were moving into after I graduated. I turned 18 shortly after, and applied for jobs at multiple day cares. I just wanted to do something that I loved. I wanted to be able to say " I get to work today" instead of  "I have to work today." Those jobs at the day cares just weren't working out and I was really very frustrated.
One day, I saw a commercial on TV for Care.com. I thought maybe it looked a little sketchy... What if someone pretends they have kids, I come over for an interview and they kidnap me and kill me?? (Yes, I always think the worst.) Well, I decided to give it a go and sign up. I signed up and applied for a few jobs. There were a few that stuck out to me. One described the job as "A Mother's Helper". There were 4 kids, ages six, four, two, and six weeks. That description called my name! I clicked on it to learn more. I found out that one of the children was special needs. That made me think twice... I didn't know how to handle kids like that. I think they are the cutest, but how would I take care of them? I decided that I might as well try. I wrote her a message, and she wrote me back about 3 days later and wanted to meet me. I told her I would come over that next day and I would bring my friend for safety purposes. I was so excited, but I was really nervous. I met her and she was so nice! (She was not a scary kidnapper!) We talked about hours, responsibilities and all that grown up stuff. Then we go to the good stuff: Meeting the kids. Eden, the oldest, dark hair, and dark eyes, peeked around the corner as I was visiting with her mother. She was very curious to know who I was. She loved her dolls, and playing with her little brother, Holden. Holden comes right after Eden. They look like they could be twins, and might as well be. They are best friends, and I could tell by the moment I saw them. He was a little shy at first. He had trouble warming up to me but I could tell that he would be a cutie. Sebastian was next, with his long, stick straight, light brown hair and stunning blue eyes with lashes  three times as long as mine. I couldn't get enough of him. As creepy as this sounds, I just wanted to look at him! He liked to cuddle, he loved Pokoyo, and he loved his light up toys. Oh yeah, and he has cerebral palsy. He was born at 27 weeks, and had bleeding in his brain., which gave him brain damage. He was truly a fighter, and was the strongest little 2-year-old I had ever met. And last, but not least was little miss Ava. Being just six weeks old, she slept peacefully on the couch with her thick dark hair. I had never seen something more precious. I knew I was going to make a difference in this family. I knew that this was going to be part of my life. Chantelle, the mother, started showing me around and talking to me like I already have the job. She asked if I could start next week, and of course I said yes! I could not wait to make a difference in these kids' lives and to help out this busy, busy mother. Little did I know, that this was really going to change MY life forever. They were going to make a difference in my life, and help out this busy busy teenager.
I got this wonderful job in June of 2012. I am still nannying this family, and I love EVERY second of it.
Eden is now eight, and she and I are great friends. We love doing hair, playing with her Polly Pockets, and watching Sophia The First. Holden is now six (and a half, don't forget) years old, and he is like my little brother. There is almost never a time when we aren't teasing and tricking each other. He likes to ride his bike and eat food. Sebastian is four, and  just learning to walk. He says words, but not very often. He is so cuddly, very ticklish, and will laugh hysterically for no reason whatsoever. He is my angel. Ava is one and a half and is such a little kidster! She can talk, but she only will if she feels like it. She is sassy and hilarious. She is a champion at throwing fits, but can be such a funny little cutie. I love all of these kids to pieces. Tonight, I had a unique experience. The parents went on a date, and I was excited to be there. I like to be there during the day more, because then I don't have to put them to bed, but nevertheless, I was there, and I was excited to see them and play with them. Well, tonight, I wasn't really feeling it, and neither were those kids. Ava was throwing her dinner all over the place, Sebastian was crying because he was so hungry, but he wouldn't eat. Eden kept getting distracted, and Holden just kept wanting to eat! I was so tired of everything and getting very angry. I wanted anything but to take it out on those kids so I went and got a glass of water and hid in the bathroom for about three minutes. I came out and decided that I would make Ava sit there until she decided to eat like a good girl, and I had to sort of hold Sebastian down so he could get food in him. After three or four bites, he chewed down. Eden and Holden were finally finished with dinner and sat down to watch a show. I took Ava upstairs and sent her to bed. I took Eden, Holden and Sebastian upstairs to read stories and get "jammies" on.  They picked stories, and Holden was out like a light. I have never seen a child fall asleep faster than that! Eden asked for a piece I cheese after her story, so I got her that. (Strange request, I know. That's Eden for ya.) after I fetched her some cheese, I was heading out to take Sebastian to bed. I heard Eden say quietly, "Goodnight, I love you." She had never said that before. It was then and there when I realized all of these amazing things about my job. Sure, it is so hard, and sometimes you want to pull your hair out and hide in the bathroom forever, but in the end, I would not change a single thing. And as if that little "I love you" wasn't good enough, I went in to rock Sebastian in the rocking chair and give him a bottle. He snuggled right on up to me and held my hand the whole time. Sebastian shows affection by touch, and boy, was he showing me he loved me. How precious is it to be loved by a child? It is beyond comparison. Nothing is better than being loved by something so innocent and special.
Being a mother will be hard. Being a mother will be one of the most difficult things I will ever have to endure, and I know this... But if a night like tonight is how motherhood is, sign me up.

If only wanting to be a mother when I grow up is wrong, I don't want to be right.