Lately, I have been having more "off" days than usual, where it is very difficult to find something to be grateful for that day. Well, I have realized that in all honestly, I am just so grateful to be alive.
This brings me to the point of this post, which is a story that I will never ever forget. In May of 2000, when I was five (almost six) years old, I was playing tag outside with my brother and sister. I came inside just huffing and puffing, which you would expect from a little kid running around outside, but this was much worse. My stomach hurt so bad that I was screaming and crying while I curled up in a ball on the floor. My mom took great care of me and figured I just had a stomach bug that would pass with time. I confirmed her logic by throwing up almost all day.
That night, she was sitting with me on the couch while I slept. She noticed that I was breathing weird. Scary weird. When I inhaled, rather than my abdomen expanding, it collapsed. When I exhaled, my abdomen expanded. This was very abnormal, and my face started to become pale.
This was when my poor mother, scared out of her mind, carried me to the car to take me to Primary Children's Medical Center. She kept an eye on me in the car, and came to the conclusion that there was no way that I would make it to Primary Children's alive. She rushed me to the Cottonwood Hospital. She got me in right away! They got me hooked up to oxygen and all sorts of different monitors, and stuck me with an IV. That IV was a whole different story. The nurse couldn't find the vain, so she just poked me and dug around in my arm until they found a vain. I still have a scar from that, and I'm sure my mom is still scarred from watching them do that to me. She told me later that she was just in tears as she watched me suffer.
They did X-rays on my chest and my sides. I felt so much better and awake after being hooked up to oxygen! The doctor came in with the X-rays and explained to my mom that I had pneumonia in both lungs and that he would prescribe me some medication to help, and that I would be able to return home that night.
My mom tells me that at first, she felt relieved, but then she had this feeling that there was something missing. Something was not right. She had no experience with anything medical (except for just being a mom), but something told her that this wasn't just pneumonia, this was a collapsed lung. Why the doctor did not catch this, we just do not know, and to this day it still baffles me! She told the doctor that she felt there was something missing and that this X-ray looked like a collapsed lung. He was very doubtful. She being a patient's mother, and he being the doctor, it was understandable. She told him to take me off the oxygen and everything else I was hooked up to and see if I would do okay. About ten seconds after he took me off of everything, the systems all started beeping and my oxygen level dropped down significantly. He decided that maybe she was indeed correct, and he called in two men to take me to the ambulance to quickly transport me to Primary Children's Medical Center. The two men were very nice, and I liked them a lot! Except, one of them wouldn't let me sleep. I kept closing my eyes, and he would shout at me (kindly, but loud enough to keep me awake) saying, "Stay with me, Heather. You can't sleep right now, you've got to stay awake." I was so angry at him for not letting me sleep. I was so tired! My eye lids felt as if they weighed 200 pounds, my vision and hearing was blurring, I just really needed to sleep! Little did I know that I was so tired because I was dying.
Getting to Primary Children's was all a blur (literally), and I hardly remember getting into a room and getting hooked up on things. My poor mom could tell you everything in much greater detail, but I can not. The doctors at Primary Children's concluded that I had a collapsed lung, also known as a "pneumothorax" which is a collection of free air in the chest outside the lung that causes the lung to collapse.
This hospital provided both me and my mother a lot more security, knowing that they had me taken care of, instead of that other bone-head doctor who told me I could just go home. If my mom hadn't listened to that little voice telling her not to take me home, I would not be alive today. My mom went to classes for parents with children with asthma. I was given a device called a Peak Flow Meter that measured how well my lungs were working. I used that for at least three years after this. It was a miracle that I only had to stay in the hospital for one week. Even though, there were so many times when I would rip out my oxygen tubes from my nose because it made my throat dry, and the fact that I would get so bored that I would brush my teeth at least five times a day, I still remember every visitor that came to see me and every gift that I received. I still remember making paper flowers with the nurses, and I still remember being so thirsty all the time and drinking tons of water. So much water that they had my IV removed, but I still carried around the IV pole because I wanted to be just like Madeline in the 1998 movie "Madeline".
Madeline in the hospital
(Sorry for the poor quality)
When I was out of the hospital, I went to the store with my mom and dad and got a Kelly doll that had a hospital bed and if you got her face wet with warm water, she would get the chicken pox. I loved her cause she got sick just like me! :) I remember everyone being so happy that I was out of the hospital and they were so excited, but I did not understand why. As far as I knew, I didn't feel good so just stayed at a hospital for a few nights so I could get better. I didn't know at the time that I came very close to dying a few times in that week.
I am so grateful to be alive today, and to be present in so many people's lives today. I believe that this experience happened for a reason, and that I lived for a reason. I believe that I still had so much learning to do. I believe that so many people needed me, and I needed every single one of the people in my life to be in my life. I know that I was given this life to live it, and I will be forever grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me a chance in this life. I will be forever grateful to my mother for listening to The Spirit, and to the doctors that saved my life.
Whatever you do, don't take this life for granted. There is a reason you are here. People need you, and you need them. Sure, life is flipping HARD, but it is nothing that you can't handle. Every one of us has a divine purpose in this life. You were given this life to do good in the world and to make a difference in people's lives. You were given this life for a reason. Figure out that reason, and live it.
Find something to be grateful for.
Happy November!
Another wow. I'm glad you are alive too.:) Hard experiences make us who we are right? I'm grateful you are part of our lives.
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